Weekly Letter #4 · September 24, 2026
I'm Not Hiding Anymore
Two places I hid for years, and what changed when I stopped.
I used to hide from any activity that I thought could be embarrassing. Physical challenges were easy because I was already invisible to whoever was picking. I would only go to the doctor if I thought it was life threatening. They have a scale at the doctor's office.
Booths at restaurants. Carnival rides. I even hid from my kids sometimes because they wanted me to play and I knew I couldn't handle the physical stress.
At the time, I told myself I was a loner. I didn't like crowds. I didn't need a doctor. I was my own man. And a whole bunch of other lies to cover the shame, depression, and loneliness.
That's the thing about hiding. It doesn't feel like hiding while you're doing it. It feels like getting by.
This week I want to tell you about two places I hid, and what changed when I stopped.
Hiding From the Number
For years, I wouldn't go near a scale.
I remember one time when I was in my father-in-law's garage with him and my brother-in-law Todd. Somehow my college ID came out, and the weight listed on it was 220 pounds.
You have to have the context: we were all having libations.
They asked me how much I thought I weighed then. I said probably a bit more. Maybe 280.
They both burst out laughing.
“Noooo way! You are at least 350!”
Gramps, that's what we called my father-in-law, dug into his overfilled garage of equipment and pulled out a commercial scale.
I was mortified. I had no choice but to face it.
398 pounds.
My stomach did a backflip. Which, at 398, took a while.
That forced me to lose a few pounds, but I wouldn't start getting a handle on it for years.
And I want to be clear about something.
I've struggled with my weight my entire life.
I've lost huge amounts of weight several times along the way. Hundreds of pounds in total. There were times I lost more than 100 pounds, only to struggle with it again.
So losing weight wasn't new to me. Keeping it off was.
I tried many programs that promised the moon. None gave me what I actually needed.
Then, about five years ago, something changed.
And strangely enough, it started with a water jug.
My doctor was always telling me I was dehydrated. This was one of the few things he didn't blame on my weight.
“Drink more water,” he said.
Sounds simple. It wasn't.
I struggled with solving it for months. Nothing seemed to stick.
Then my son's football coach started having the team carry a one-gallon jug of water around with them all day.
I tried it.
Even that didn't work for me until I found one with the time chart printed on the side.
That worked.
I established one habit.
Then I started adding more, one at a time.
Slow and steady progress.
The goal:
Better Today Than Yesterday.
That was about five years ago.
Since then, I've lost more than 200 pounds, and this has been the most successful I've ever been at not only losing the weight, but continuing forward.
I'm still not finished.
And I'm not telling you any of this so you'll copy what I did.
My story isn't a plan for yours.
I'm telling you because after a lifetime of fighting my weight, this chapter didn't begin with another giant promise to myself.
It began with one habit I could actually keep.
Hiding Before God
That wasn't the only hiding I was doing.
I hid from God.
I called it being frustrated with religion, with the church, and being my own man.
I stopped praying about it because I convinced myself God had better and more important things to deal with than my petty issues.
I think part of me even tried to make that sound noble.
Like I was being humble.
I wasn't.
That wasn't humble sacrifice. It was selfish hiding.
Just like hiding from my children.
I don't remember the exact moment I finally gave it to God.
It seems like it was gradual.
I'm sure that was because the Holy Spirit was talking to me and I wasn't listening to all of it.
Eventually, I started listening.
And if I'm being completely honest, I sometimes still hide my faith.
Not nearly as much as I used to.
But I've got to get better at it.
I'm a Christian first.
God should be in everything I do.
One Thing to Try This Week
Name one thing you've been avoiding looking at.
Then look at it.
You don't have to fix it this week.
Just look.
It might be a number.
It might be a habit.
It might be a conversation you've been putting off.
It might even be something between you and God that you've been pretending isn't there.
For me, one of the things I'm still working on is not hiding my faith.
Because hiding doesn't change what's true.
It just keeps us from dealing with it.
Better Today Than Yesterday starts with seeing where today is.
I hope this letter blesses you and helps someone who might be hiding.
Let's all try to be better today than yesterday.
Lord, grant us the wisdom to do the things You put us here to do and serve those You would have us serve in a way that pleases You.
Until next week,
Tony
Hit Reply
What's one thing you've been hiding from?
A number? A habit? A conversation? Something else?
Hit reply. I read every one.